Answers and Doubts ©

Many times I have asked myself:

What is the meaning of this existence?

Many times I have received the answers

but only a few times have I understood the reasons. 

You see…

Finding joy appears to be the pure expression 

of a life well-worth living.

And invaluable happiness: the gift

that brings tranquility to the mind – oh so freely. 

And freed is my mind but troubled is my heart

because while wondering thru this existence

I can also see the clutter

all the mess, the disarray, the contradictions.

Many times I have received the answers

but only a few have I understood the reasons.

Perhaps, the questioning is part of the cognition  

because, you see, I have come with criticism.

Finding joy, then

appears to be the duality of the life that now I am living.

For my words can express the reasoning

and my sadness, the true feelings for the horrors that now I am seeing.

I have asked many questions

and I have rejected some of the answers

for this world is as pretty as cruel

and I can not be blind, I can not be mute

all I can do is rationalize the truth 

and all the realities that can not be hidden under our shoes.

You see..

I can, as you can

believe that it is OK to inquire about our truthfulness

about our rights and wrongs

about you and me, about us, about it all.

I can not, and neither should you

swallow all that it is presented as pure

for we all know: contamination exists!

Yes, we know that with certitude!

I do not repent for having doubts

I do not pray for an easier way out

I do not regret believing that it is just fine

to analyze and use our minds.

I do believe we are capable to rationalize

to know what it is fair and right

to do what we must do

in order to provide balance to not just our own kind.

Yes, I do believe that we are the ones who decide which way to run.

And if that provides condemnation

Perhaps: treason of some kind

I have decided to live with that.

I will see then, I hope

when this life can not be accounted for more doubts

that I was all along in the inside with some insight

and not an outcast that wasted the truth with rationalism and such.

By Carolina Gonzalez (Carolina Portilla Garcés)

#carolinaswords ©

August 22nd, 2016 – Updated on April 3rd, 2017 and June 23rd, 2020