Missing the Tears ©

Today, I am missing the tears

the explosion of sadness, the freedom, the fear;

the unloading of emotions,

the exorcism, the unburden,

the rid of the despair – my dear!

I am missing crying,

the lagoons in my eyes,

the blurry vision,

the cloudy world…

the lack of air in my heart.

But I can’t cry anymore,

I can’t answer anymore,

I don’t have that feeling anymore

as if all has abandoned me.

All is emptiness now – my love!

Harsh words don’t make me cry,

visualizing the end does not bring me anguish.

I can’t even choose sadness as my answer;

the lack of answer is part of it all.

The stillness is deafening me – my love!

I do miss crying and exposing my core

revealing my candor and having power in my voice;

but I have become mute

somehow even immune.

Begging now won’t do – my love!

I do miss crying.

I do miss it – my dear…

For it allowed me to believe

the feelings were raw and real,

my emotions were part of the deal.

But I just don’t cry anymore.

The silence is screaming for more,

perhaps the silence is drowning my words …

my emotions might be underneath of it all

I am not afloat – my love.

I guess they are overflowing …

not my eyes; but my soul;

the tears in taciturnity 

sweltering my vote.

This quietness is hiding my fervor.

Even one tear will do – my love.

One tear will bring me delightful joy

as it will be a gift to my soul!

Freeing me from this load …

a load that is dry and cold.

By Carolina Gonzalez (Carolina Portilla Garcés) #carolinaswords

April  2019 – Florida – USA