Today, I am missing the tears
the explosion of sadness, the freedom, the fear;
the unloading of emotions,
the exorcism, the unburden,
the rid of the despair – my dear!
I am missing crying,
the lagoons in my eyes,
the blurry vision,
the cloudy world…
the lack of air in my heart.
But I can’t cry anymore,
I can’t answer anymore,
I don’t have that feeling anymore
as if all has abandoned me.
All is emptiness now – my love!
Harsh words don’t make me cry,
visualizing the end does not bring me anguish.
I can’t even choose sadness as my answer;
the lack of answer is part of it all.
The stillness is deafening me – my love!
I do miss crying and exposing my core
revealing my candor and having power in my voice;
but I have become mute
somehow even immune.
Begging now won’t do – my love!
I do miss crying.
I do miss it – my dear…
For it allowed me to believe
the feelings were raw and real,
my emotions were part of the deal.
But I just don’t cry anymore.
The silence is screaming for more,
perhaps the silence is drowning my words …
my emotions might be underneath of it all
I am not afloat – my love.
I guess they are overflowing …
not my eyes; but my soul;
the tears in taciturnity
sweltering my vote.
This quietness is hiding my fervor.
Even one tear will do – my love.
One tear will bring me delightful joy
as it will be a gift to my soul!
Freeing me from this load …
a load that is dry and cold.
By Carolina Gonzalez (Carolina Portilla Garcés) #carolinaswords
April 2019 – Florida – USA
